A new baby brother??

Now Jeff and I had to decide how we were going to talk to the boys and what exactly we were going to tell them. We decided to tell them individually so that they could ask whatever questions they needed to without their brothers around. First we talked to Kaden. When we explained that I was going to be in the hospital for 3 days Kaden's eyes lit up with excitment! "We are getting a new baby brother!!" He was so excited!!! I had to explain that no we weren't having a new baby but that the doctor was going to make mommy's headaches go away. "Oh" He was quite let down but gave me a hug and said "I hope you feel better". He is so sweet! Tyler and Gavin were both relieved to hear that I wouldn't be having headaches anymore but they both worried about their mom having surgery. We decided not to bring up the C***** word to them yet. Afterall it might be benign right??

I was scheduled for surgery on the 15th of December - six days after I was diagnosed. During that week I was busy getting ready. Good thing Jeff had finished all of our Christmas shopping and decorating our house. I wasn't into it this year because I had been feeling so unwell. He even had all the presents wrapped and under the tree. Good thing! I had many appointments to go to during this week. I had a brain MRI, x-ray, blood work and I met with the anesthesia doc. Everything looked good. Sitting in the MRI waiting room I remembered I hadn't filled out my donor card yet. One more thing I couldn't put off anymore so I pulled it out and filled in the boxes. I kept myself busy this week getting my house ready for Christmas. I even thought about cleaning out my closet but never did. What if something happens to me? Who will get stuck cleaning out my junk? These are the things that I thought about this week. Will I get to see the boys open all their presents Christmas morning? I went out and bought them the G.I. Joe box set of movies and gave them an early present (just in case).

I pleaded with God alot this week begging him to give more time. My boys need their mom around. I need to watch them grow up! As the surgery date came closer instead of becoming more anxious I actually had this amazing calmness come over me. Everything was going to be alright, I just new it had to be. We would pray for a Christmas miracle!

The beginning

Well, I thought I would start a blog so that my friends and family would be able to follow along on my journey with me. For those of you who don't know I was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma in December this past year. It was a day I can't seem to erase from my mind. I went in for a CT scan because of some headaches I was having. When the technician told me to take a seat in the waiting room I had a feeling that something was not right. When everyone else was aloud to leave right after their CT and I was still sitting there I knew that something was wrong. The Neurosurgeon came in to escort my mom and I over to his office and my heart dropped into my stomach. What was the big deal I kept thinking to myself. I just have a sinus headache. When he sat us down he starting trying to get my history but I just wanted to know what was wrong. He finally told us that I had a large brain tumour and I would need surgery right away to have it removed or I could leave it alone and I would die. I obviously chose to have surgery and signed the consent right away. He wasn't very postitive about this surgery telling us that most likely they wouldn't be able to remove the entire tumour and also he was 100% certain that it was from another site. He was sure that there was another even bigger tumour in my body somewhere. I just kept looking over at my mom and we were in complete shock.

Jeff called me then and the doctor left the room to give me some time to talk to him. I explained what was happening and he left to meet us at the hospital. The nurse came in to discuss the surgery with us and my new diagnosis. She explained that I had to be on a drug to relieve the extensive swelling in my brain which was causing most of my symptoms. She started asking me about my children and we both wound up in tears. What was I going to tell them? This has been the hardest thing that I have had to deal with. We then left to meet my dad and Jeff who were picking us up. We all met at my sister and brother-in-laws house and talked a little about what was going to happen. How your life can change in an instant! People always ask me what my symptoms were. I know that alot of people experience headaches and have sinus trouble but this is what I experienced: headaches which would make me vomit, blurred vision, double-vision, muscle spasms in my legs and static sound and fluid in my ear. You would think that I would figure out that something was more wrong but I didn't.