Merry Christmas!

I hope that everyone is ready for Christmas and can now kick back, put your feet up and enjoy the holidays! It sounds like it from some of your statuses on facebook. Then there are those of us who wait until these last few days to finish shopping, baking and wrapping. I will be making my way into the city tonight to finish up. It has been a very busy couple of days. I got a call on Friday from the ultrasound department to come in for the ultrasound on my thyroid that I have been waiting for. They got me in on Monday night which also happened to be the night that my Melanoma Support Group were getting together for our Christmas potluck. So after a quick stop at the hospital for this we headed to the party. The scan went very well and of course it was nice having both my sisters and my mom there. The ultrasound tech was very nice but I couldn't get anything out of her. And believe me I tried! For some reason I left feeling reassured even though she didn't really say anything.

It was so nice to see everyone at the Melanoma Group. We had a really nice visit and some homemade treats. Loved the apple crisp!! These people have really become good friends to us and very supportive. It was an awesome night! Next we were on our way to Chapters to do some last minute shopping. The line ups were crazy but we went through surpisingly quickly.

The next morning (yesterday) I got a call from the ultrasound department. They had reviewed my scans already and have scheduled me in for a biopsy in the new year. Actually on Jan. 17th I will be having this done. It honestly put me in a bit of a panic wondering if they saw something suspicious. After a couple of phone calls to both of my nurses I really didn't have much more information but felt better about things. There is some confusion as to what exactly they are biopsying. The "goiter"? A nodule by the "goiter"? I will be getting all of my questions answered before we go ahead with things. So really what it boils down to is that nothing has changed. I have something on my thyroid that they are not sure about so we need to find out what it is. I am very happy that things are moving as quickly as they are since initially I was told that it could be up to a six month wait for this biopsy. There are only two doctors in Manitoba that do this type of procedure. When I spoke to my nurse he made it very clear that they do NOT think that this is melanoma. So for now, there is nothing to do but wait. But I'm not very good at waiting so we carry on and have a fabulous Christmas!

I was reminded yesterday of a time in Benito at Christmas when the boys and I heard some bells ringing outside. As we looked out the front window we saw a horse drawn sleigh full of carolers (staff from the school) pull up. Out they all piled and sang for us. After the fantastic performance they all piled back in the sleigh and off they went down our street. Now that does not happen everyday! It was beautiful and I will never forget it!

I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas and takes time to feel the joy around us. I will be thanking God for another precious Christmas with my loved ones.

Merry Christmas!!!

Holiday Spirit!

I hope that everyone is getting into the holiday spirit! I find myself really trying this year to feel the joy of the holidays. For some reason it is not coming easily for me this year. On Monday I took the two younger boys to see the Air Command Band play at the Legion and they were fantastic! Feeling a little more in the mood after that. Last year during the holidays I was feeling so much. Grateful for life, family, friends, love. I really felt like something magical was happening around me. This year I am struggling with this. Is it because of the drug I am on? Is it that the shock of my diagnosis over the past year has been finally sinking in? I did get the results of my brain MRI last week which were great! No changes on my scan which is what we always hope for. This is fabulous news right? I should feel relief, happy.... I think I would feel all of these things if on the very same day as I was receiving this great news over the phone I wasn't literally waiting in another specialists office. As I hung up my phone with the Gamma Knife nurse, the oncologist specializing in head and neck cancers came in to see me. I was there for a follow up appointment for the goiter that I have on my thryoid. Apparently, there is a nodule on my thyroid apart from the goiter that he wants to biopsy.

What could this nodule be I ask him. Well, it could be melanoma though very unlikely. Melanoma usually does not spread to the thyroid, although it does happen. It could be a benign lesion (meaning no big deal). Let's hope for that! Or it could be another cancer - thyroid cancer. Another totally different type of cancer which is treated with surgery and radiation. He reassures me that even if it is a primary thryoid cancer it is very treatable. No worries - nothing to lose sleep over. He tells me I have enough going on right now and we'll do the biopsy to find out what this is but my focus right now should be on finishing the Interferon. Really? You are telling me that I may have another type of cancer and may need a whole other treatment regime but I shouldn't worry about it?

So now we wait.... Again. I keep reminding myself that chances are it is nothing. But being told already 3 times that I have cancer I do know that the possibility is there. I just hope that they get me in for this biopsy soon so I can really relax and make room in my heart for that magical feeling of Christmas.

I hope that one day it will happen when I can get wonderful news and just leave it at that. No buts, no ands, no maybes... For now I will focus on all the wonderful things happening in my life starting with having no evidence of disease. My three boys who are waiting in excited anticipation for Santa to come to our house. My husband who is riding this crazy rollar coaster ride with me and holding my hand the whole time. My family who no matter how difficult things get are always there and are full of love and hope. My friends, new and old who are always there to make me smile and take my mind off of all things cancer related. I really could go on and on.... This is making me feel better already! Why live in a world of what-if's? If I do that then I miss out on all the wonderful things that are acually happening in my world at that very moment. May we all find that peace and joy that the holidays can bring us.