Peace

Well, good news last week. My scans both came back normal. What a relief! I am now waiting for an ultrasound just to cover all of our bases but am not expecting anything abnormal to show up on that. It's been another ride on the cancer rollar coaster. Waiting and wondering what if.... This week a friend from the retreat I went to passed away at the age of 25 from cancer. She was such a strong, beautiful girl and she inspired all of us to fight. She had these words posted on her facebook page:

Cancer - I intend to beat you, overcome you and defeat you. You are my battle, my blood, my weakness. I will live each day knowing that I am stronger than you. I will fight you. I will live. By Ann-Marie 1985-2010

We will miss you Ann-Marie.

So the past couple of weeks have had their ups and downs. I ended up with shingles which doesn't seem to want to go away. My doctor says that it's from being on the Interferon. It has brought my immune system down so much that this virus (chicken pox) that I had as a child has been reactivated. So now I'm left with shingles. We decided yesterday to put a hold on the Interferon for a while and give my body a chance to heal. I was a little disappointed but after being so sick after my injection Monday night I was ready to do whatever they wanted. So my goal now is to build back up my immune system by getting lots of rest, exercise and healthy eating. Hopefully I won't be off for too long as it seems to be worse everytime I have to stop and restart treatment.

I did enjoy a restful week where I was pampered by my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law. They came for a visit and to help me around the house. They sure got alot done. The house looks great and they couldn't have picked a better week since I wasn't feeling great. Thanks you guys!

Well, now it's time to get the kids ready for back to school next week. It's going to be different around our house since all of them will be in school full days this year. They are all looking forward to it in their own ways. And so am I!

Fight

Is it the rain that's making me feel so yucky or is it that all the fun I was having was too much and is catching up to me. I blame it on the weather! I went in for my routine appointment on Wednesday and was sort of taken by surprise at what happened. I have been having some strange sympoms the last month or so and casually mentioned this to my doctor. I won't go into the gorry details but it's something that I really thought was no big deal. I guess when you have cancer there's nothing that isn't a big deal. He was very concerned and is sending me for another battery of tests and scans. Quite frankly - I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. Can I give cancer back for a refund and get my money (or more literally my life) back?

I had my blood work done where he was testing a few specific levels along with my regular tests. They show that I am neutropenic which also happened to me during my high dose portion of treatment and leaves me very vulnerable to infections. A reminder that I need to slow down and take better care of myself. Rest more, eat better and excercise. They don't have to stop my treatment yet but it was very close. Hopefully this number will climb in the next few weeks. Good news - I'm not pregnant! I laughed when he asked me if this was a possibility. Could you imagine! That would just be the icing on the cake. No, that would not be good! All of my other blood work came back normal as well.

So now, the plan is I will go for a chest CT on Monday. Yes - Monday. My doctor does not mess around. And even though I just had a brain MRI he has ordered another one to be done ASAP. He wants to focus in more on certain areas of my brain. So this leaves me feeling now worried, scared, not wanting these crazy scans anymore, wondering why I didn't just keep my mouth shut. On the other hand I am very grateful that my medical team is there behind me fighting for me when I am too tired or don't realize that I need to be fighting. It scares me that they expect the cancer to come back. They are just waiting and watching for it. I want to believe that I am different. It's not going to come back with me. I'm going to be healthy one day and not have to worry about this monster coming back into my life again. I have heard those three frightening, life changing words three times already - You have cancer. I don't want to hear them again.

I was really looking forward to a break. I believe a well deserved break. Guess I just have to wait a little bit longer than I thought. On a more positive note I have been thinking about registering for a conference for young adults in St. John's and after the past couple of days decided to go for it. Life is too short! We don't know what the future holds for us so we had better make the most of the time we have. We will be flying to St. John's for 4 days where I will meet up with some past friends and some new friends who also find themselves fighting this fight! They have planned an amazing conference and I am very excited to check it out! Give me something to look forward to and hopefully keep my mind off of worrying about this. Will keep you updated when my results come back.

Fun!!

I think this summer so far has been the best ever! I'm not sure if it's just that I appreciate things more or if I'm really having more fun. Either way I'm loving it! Bon Jovi was awesome! What a great night! I forgot about the cancer and just had fun. It's amazingly difficult to do this most of the time but I'm finding that the more fun I'm having the easier it is to forget for the moment anyway. It helped having my best friend with me - just like old times!!!

We had Jeff's family out for the weekend last week and that was lots of fun. Jeff has two little nephews who are absolutely adorable so it was fun watching them in the pool having a blast! We swam most of the weekend since it was so beautiful out and had family and friends over for supper. It was so great getting to see everyone and catching up with what's going on.

I had a friend of mine out with her kids for lunch and a swim and we had a great time. We hadn't seen each other for many years so it was really nice. Love having those friends that we can get together and it seems no different then years before. You can pick up where you left off. We won't wait so long next time!!

We went to Kenora for the weekend this past week and what a great time we had!! When I was younger we used to go out to Kenora to my Aunt and Uncle's cabin. I havn't been back there for many, many years so I jumped at the opportunity when it came up!! I have so many really great memories in Kenora with my sisters and my cousins. We had a fun filled weekend and the kids didn't want to come back home. We went fishing, hiking, tubing, had our own fireworks show, watched my cousin launch his rockets and had fun seeing the kids chase them everywhere.... I could go on and on! It was a really awesome weekend and everyone had lots and lots of fun!!!! We are already talking about going out again this summer!! Thanks to the Lindsays for making it such a special weekend.

I am feeling great these days!! Making sure I'm getting lots of rest in between all the fun! I'm more used to the fatigue from the Interferon and am coping better with it. It's just there's so much that I want to do this summer!!! I got a phone call from the Gamma knife nurse yesterday letting me know that my brain scan came back and it looks good. No changes which is really great news!!! I had actually already gotten my scan back from my oncologist last week but getting the all clear from the Neurosurgeon is awesome!! One of my friends sent me a woman's story from You Tube which was very encouraging. This woman also had brain and lung metastasis (just like me) and took some similar treatments as me and five years later she is doing great! Hearing these stories brings me hope and strength to do whatever it is that I need to do to get healthy!!