Happy New Year to you all!
I hope everyone truly enjoyed the holidays and spending time with your loved ones. We had a very nice Christmas and yes I did find my Christmas Spirit in time. Part of this Christmas spirit comes with spending time with the ones we love. I realized over Christmas that this is what makes Christmas so special. We get to see our family and friends who we only spend time with on very special occasions. The kids were so excited and overjoyed Christmas morning. Everything was just what they always wanted - it didn't matter what it was!
A new year - a fresh start! I feel in ways like this new year marks a new beginning of this journey. We can scrap everything that we didn't like about last year and make new wishes for this one. The thought of this has re-energized me and I have done alot of thinking about how I want to handle what's coming up in this next year. Oh and by the way for the first time since I can remember this does not involve weight loss. My New Years resolution for years has always involved my weight. If I just lost those 10 or 15 pounds life would be everything that I always dreamed it would be - perfect. Why do we do this to ourselves? This past year has finally made me see that this idea is BS and so there is no weight loss resolution for me this year. I just want to be healthy and happy. Not too much to ask right?
The biggest thing I would love to happen this year is some sort of acceptance of things as they are. It is starting to sink in that this is now my life. Cancer will now forever be a part of it. I wish that I could say that once I'm finished the Interferon life can go back to normal but this is not realistic. I am forever changed. My life is now forever changed. They will always be looking, scanning, checking. I will always be waiting.... I will always believe that every result will be a good one but try to be ready in case it isn't. I've now come to the understanding that it is impossible to prepare yourself to hear that you have cancer....again. It never gets any easier, in fact, I think it just gets harder each time. When I reflect over this past year I see the healing that has already taken place in my life. Not just the physical healing (though that has been amazing to watch) but emotionally too. I can only hope that this continues through this next year.
So for now of course life is full of waiting. I have a scan scheduled for tomorrow (chest, abdomen and pelvis). I have my biopsy of the thyroid coming up on the 17th and we'll worry about the rest later. One step at a time... I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow (I know weird hey?) Jeff and I will have many hours to just be together while we wait for the dye to do its job and show that there are no tumours and I am disease free. This is how I am able to get through all these tests and scans is enjoying this time that I get with my family. I am so fortunate to never be alone and to have all the support. I NEVER take this for granted.