Cancer.ca

Hello Everyone!

Well, I hope everyone has recovered from Friday night. I know it took me a couple of days to catch up. Things have been busy around here the last couple of days. I went to another support group meeting and enjoyed talking to everyone. I found out that they are testing a new vaccine for melanoma in Canada. This gives us all hope that they will come up with something soon. On our way home from the meeting we picked up Jeff and the boys from hockey. We were discussing a few things from the meeting and from the back seat my 5 year old says,"Mom just go to cancer.ca. You can get the cure on there." When I asked him how he knew that he said that he heard it on the radio. We all got a chuckle from that. If only it were that simple. It amazes me that our boys are so accepting of what is going on. It has become a natural and normal part of our conversation these days.

We are still waiting for my latest test results. We find out next week the results from my lung CT and my brain MRI. When you have every test and scan imaginable done it doesn't surprise me that they would find some other things going on in my body besides cancer. I found out during one of my scans that I have a goiter on my thyroid. My doctor says that goiters used to be a sign of beauty many, many years ago. I have always been behind the times in fashion, I just didn't know how far behind I was. haha! So now I will be going to see a surgeon to find out what to do about this beauty lump. Maybe they should just leave it and it will come back into style one of these years!

So for now we're just praying that all my scans come back clear and will be very relieved when this happens!!

Thank you!!!

The social was a huge success Friday night!!! I don't know how to thank everyone enough for their love and support. Thank you just doesn't seem enough. We had donations come in from all over and raised enough funds to pay our cost of my medications plus some. This is a huge relief for us and now we can just concentrate on getting me better. I had a fabulous time and it sounds like everyone else did too.

It was a very crazy day on Friday. My brain MRI was rescheduled and I ended up having to go for that before the social. I thought I could have a rest while inside but I forgot how noisy that machine is. It sounds like a fire alarm going off. Mind you, it is much more comfortable now without a brain tumour! The first time I had an MRI I thought my head was going to explode! So after we were done this (my mom came with me) we ran to Costco to pick up a few things for the social. By the time we got back it was time for me to go get my hair done. Thanks to my fabulous hairdresser!! It was nice to have this time to relax. My in-laws had arrived and Jeff's Aunt and her friend too. It was so great that they could all come. One of my greatest friends stopped in when I got home to say hi. She is an awesome person and I wish we had more time visit! Then it was time to go.

We got to the hall and I was taken by surprise at how wonderful it all looked! I was given a beautiful wrist corsage to wear for the evening. The silent auction tables were loaded with prizes and stretched all the way down the length of the hall! It was awesome!! Thank you to everyone and anyone who donated prizes. There were many raffles and so lots of people left with loot! Everyone who bought a package of tickets for the auction received a lovely flower so it was nice seeing all the woman walking around with flowers. All of the bouquets and flowers around the hall were beautiful! So we visited and danced all night and had a blast! I actually didn't do any dancing but there were lots who did. The music man was a hoot and got everyone up dancing. The food was awesome!! A local farmer donated all the meat which was delicious and our local grocery store supplied the buns. For dessert we had a cake table full of every kind of cake you can imagine. These cakes were all made by family and friends. Everyone loved the cake table!! Yummy!!! There were so many people working hard to make this night as amazing as it was!

I wanted to stand up and say thank you to everyone but I didn't realize how nervous I would be. Good thing I had Jeff standing beside me. It's so hard for me to express in words how I feel. I took a deep breath and said my thank you's. I only teared up a little. I'm feeling quite emotional these days with everything that's happening. I really hope that people can realize how precious life is without having to go through all of this. I wish that I could bottle this feeling up and pass it out to all of you. I am so thankful for every day that I now have. It was just so wonderful to see so many people there! I also received numerous emails and cards from those who couldn't make it sending their love and best wishes. These mean so much to me and I treasure them all.

So I actually made it through the whole night and was one of the last to leave. I was thankful that I was feeling so good. So when I got home it was time for my injection and then off to bed. I didn't get much sleep but the night was so worth it!!!

I would like to send a special thank you to our friends in Benito for their donations and support. The Benito School held a movie night and donated the funds from the canteen to our family which really touched us. We miss all of our friends and the community of Benito!

I will be posting pictures of the evening very soon. I hope everyone had a great time and can't thank you enough for being there for our family! Thank you all!!!!

Feeling the love!

Wow! I can't believe that the social is almost here. My family and friends have been hard at work getting everything planned and ready for Friday night. What a wonderful response we have gotten! I think that there is only a few tickets left floating around. I feel so thankful to have such wonderful friends and family! I am overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity that has been shown to us. I am definitely feeling the love!!! We went and picked up my Aunt from the airport this afternoon after a a quick visit at Cancer Care. Kaden was so excited to go to the airport!! There are so many people coming from all over the place. I can't wait to see you all!

I got a wonderful surprise in the mail yesterday. My sister had emailed Jann Arden (who I love) and told her about me. I went to see her concert with my sister last November. I passed on buying tickets at first - not a priority. Then my big sister called to let me know that she won two tickets and she was giving them to me and my other sister. I was so excited!! I was having some symptoms from the brain tumour at that time. I was seeing two of Jann up on stage and the static echoing through my ears was driving me crazy but what a great concert!! She sounded unbelievable and I left there feeling so alive! We laughed til we cried! She is so hilarious!! Less than two weeks later I got my diagnosis. Since then I listen to her music all the time and it makes me feel better. It got me through Gamma Knife Surgery! So you can imagine how excited I was to get an autographed CD in the mail from her! She also sent another CD and some other stuff for the silent auction! Next time she comes to Winnipeg I will definitely be there!! Love her!

Support

So it's Wednesday and I'm through the first week of my home therapy. It's gone fairly well I would say. Monday night went well and the symptoms were not as bad. So it seems to just get better the more I take it. I can definitely feel the fatigue setting in now but I'm still able to do my everyday things; it just takes a little more out of me than before. I was able to go to a Support Group for Melanoma patients last night. This is so exciting for me as I have never had the opportunity to meet anyone else with this disease. I was surprised to hear that this is the only Melanoma Support Group around and last night was it's very first night. It seems to me that it is time to shed some light on Malignant Metastatic Melanoma so that no one has to live alone with their disease. I can't even explain what this means to me - to speak to others going through this right now. I was able to meet the person whom I spoke to on the phone when I was making the decision whether or not to take the Interferon. She is an amazing lady! This group is full of kindness and support and I already look forward to the next one. It was so awesome to meet others who know what rigors are!

So I just finished reading the Twilight series and loved it! Nothing like being swept away in a fantasy world of vampires and werewolves to get your mind off of things. I had almost decided that maybe it would be OK to be bitten by a vampire and made immortal but then I thought better not. I wouldn't want to be bloodthirsting after my own children! So now I've moved on to The Secret, a book about being positive in your life and what this brings you. I'm not sure if I buy in to the fact that we attract everything that happens in our lives - both good and bad. I would say that I am a very positive person and never wanted to be in a car accident or diagnosed with cancer. It's how you deal with these situations that matters. It's if you can still be happy with your new changed life. I can't wait to get deeper into this book. So as you can see I've been doing lots of reading with all this extra time. If you've read a good book recently and loved it, let me know!

I am so looking forward to seeing everyone coming to the social next weekend. We have received tremendous support from family, friends and our community! Everyone has worked really hard to bring this together. It's going to be a fun night - a celebration of life!!!

Hats!

I love waking up to the sun shining throught my window! It has been so beautiful here the last couple of mornings. I was not looking forward to doing my injection Friday, espcially after how I felt on Wednesday. I decided to try doing it a little later in the evening hoping that I would be able sleep through some of the side effects. I took it and laid awake waiting to feel the effects. This time was much better than Wednesday and I actually got some sleep and felt pretty good in the morning. Thank goodness for anti-nauseants and Tylenol!!! I even had some energy so after doing a few things around the house I walked uptown with my sister to meet my mom for lunch. We went to the teahouse (which I love) and my other sister stopped by for a few minutes to say hi. After a yummy lunch (I even had dessert) we went upstairs to look around. I was completely exhausted by the time I got home but what a wonderful day!!!

If you are ever having a bad day or you just need a really good laugh go and try on some hats. Everytime I've been out shopping with my mom and sisters I seem to be drawn to the hats. As soon as I start trying them on all of us end up cracking up and almost peeing our pants from laughing so hard. Hats are fun! Or maybe it's just because I look so silly in a hat. It all started a few months ago when I found myself trying on big, fluffy, fur hats. Then I started trying them on my mom. We were giggling so loud that the salesperson was looking over and giving us dirty looks. The next time it was toques. Toques with pompoms, toques with braids and ballcap looking toques. It was hilarious! Now it's the season for sunhats (which we should all be wearing this summer) and we had a blast trying them on and laughing at ourselves in the mirror. Except my one sister who looks great in every hat - she is definetly a hat girl whereas I am not!

Anyway, hope everyone enjoys the sunshine and if you're down today try modeling some hats!!!

Memories

I was very happy to have gotten my medication just in time! I went to pick it up on Wednesday and carried it like it was gold to the van. Jeff, my mom and I all went to meet with the Pharmacist at Cancer Care to learn how to do these injections. Seemed a little more complicated then I thought it would be but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. The pharmacist was great at explaining everything. So I gave myself my first injection while my audience watched and then that was it - that wasn't so bad! The first time is always kind of strange because you don't really know what to expect. Every time I get a break from treatment and then I start again I experience different symptoms. So I wait for something to happen. I felt fine when I got home so I had something to eat and called one of my best friends to chat. We had a great visit, then by the time I got off the phone with her I wasn't feeling too good. Let's just say it was a rough night after that. Jeff jumped in as my nurse again bringing me Tylenol and making sure that I was OK. I am so thankful to have him by my side. He has been my rock through all of this.

The next day I was off to my CT scan with my Dad. It's so great to have such a supportive family. I never have to go to any of these tests or treatments alone. There is always someone there to keep me company. When I walked into the CT department my stomach hit the floor. I havn't been back there since I first found out that I had a brain tumour. The room looked all too familiar. My dad chose to sit in the same chair that my mom had sat in the last time we were here so I sat in the familiar chair beside him. Staring at the clock in front of me, waiting for my turn brought back so many memories. I have had other CT scans since my first one but they have always sent me to the other CT department. After a bit of a wait my name was called. I went in and about 10 minutes later I was done. She said I could change and leave. Now it's always a bit of a shock when they let me go right away. I think I hold my breathe until I hear those words and then I can relax. This CT scan was the easiest one that I have had. They didn't give me contrast so I didn't need an IV and I didn't have to drink their special drink which I found out the last time I am allergic to. So this was awesome! Now it's the waiting game. My doctor is away for three weeks so I'm assuming I won't hear anything until he gets back. Now I shove it to the back of my mind and concentrate on getting my treatment tonight over with. The pharmacist had said that the first two will be the most difficult and then things should settle down after that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Biological therapy

So today is the big day! I start my at home portion of my treatment. The only problem is there is a apparently a shortage of Interferon right now and I'm having trouble getting it in time to start today. Thinking ahead, I took my prescription in to get filled a couple of weeks ago. They didn't really seem to know what Interferon was and couldn't find it in the computer. So eventually they found it and I asked for it to be ready for April 5th. I thought I'd give myself a couple of days just in case there was a problem. Good thing! When I called on Monday to make sure it was there, she let me know that they hadn't ordered it yet. So when they tried to order it that day, they found out that there is a shortage of it right now. She contacted the drug company and they are trying to get it here for today so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I would hate to have to delay my treatment. I feel for the people who are very ill that have to deal with this all the time. I find it very frustrating navigating through the system! Maybe that's what I'll do when I'm through all this.......help cancer patients figure this out. I should be a pro by then.

We always talk about my treatment in just those words - my treatment. Now I feel that I need to call it something else. Something a little more descriptive and not so vague. Who knows what people could be thinking when I'm talking about my treatment. My middle son was watching TSN the other day and he was very irritated that they were talking about Tiger Woods and him being in treatment. He was anxious to watch the hockey highlights. He said to me, "Mom, I wonder if he's taking the same treatment as you." I chuckled to myself and told him I didn't think so. I was so glad that they hadn't gone into detail about his treatment. So now I have to come up with another term to use in its place.

Other than the whole mess up with my prescription, things are really good right now. I feel great not being on any medications. I am going for a CT scan tomorrow of my lungs to see if this nodule on my right side has grown or not. I am praying that this is not cancer! I'm not very good at this watch and wait thing. I always just want to know so that I can do something about it. Well, I'm off to the gym with my sister this morning. Get in a good workout before my treatment this afternoon. Thank you everyone for all the prayers and well wishes! This has helped me tremendously in staying positive.

It's not just hair.

We've been having a great Spring Break visiting with family and friends. I've sort of been trying to forget about things this week and just enjoy some time off from everything. You would think that would be an easy thing to do. I finished phase one of my treatment last week and am now getting ready to start the second phase on Wednesday. I am so happy to be able to do this second part at home and not have to go into Cancer Care every day. Maybe life will get back to being somewhat normal....

Back to my story - So now that I had decided to take the biological therapy, it took a lot of the pressure and stress away. Once I made the decision then it seemed to make things a lot easier. I have to admit, I did waiver back and forth a little bit in the next couple of weeks. One of the most difficult things for me is that I have felt fairly healthy throughout this entire time. So why make myself sick? Now I realize that sometimes we have to do things that will affect our bodies in a negative way to get better longterm. Then it hit me. I was standing in the shower washing my hair and as I brought my hands down I realized that I was holding clumps of my hair in my hands. My hair was falling out - in handfuls! This devastated me! I hadn't even started the treatment yet. Why was this happening? The drug that I would soon be taking caused thinning of your hair but not hair loss. Standing there with my hair in my hands I realized that this was really happening. I was sick. I have cancer. It was like I was pretending that it wasn't true and then the reality of it hit me like a tonne of bricks. When I was going in for surgery they made a big deal about not having to shave my head and I was thinking big deal, it's just hair. Well now I've realized that it's not actually the hair loss that is so hard but it's the feelings that come along with it. I have been fortunate enough to have lots of hair to spare and my bald spot is covered up so most people don't even notice. I now have a new appreciation for hair though. I found out that this bald spot I now have is from the Gamma Knife Surgery I had at the end of January. The radiation can cause hair loss.

I have met some amazing people during my month in Chemotherapy. You will find the most positive and inspiring people there. It gives you a new perspective on life - that's for sure. I met a man who was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer and was only given a few months to live. That was 1 1/2 years ago. He told me not to worry about what the doctors say and just trust in God. I was going to be OK he said. It's hard when you look around the room and realize that we are all there for the same reason. Why does cancer exist? I ask myself this all the time. Why are so many of us affected by this disease? It would be hard to find one person that doesn't know someone who has cancer. It's a good thing that they are coming up with new treatments all the time. I feel very fortunate and thankful now for the treatment I have been offered. It may not be a sure thing but at least it's something.